yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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