I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize