so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
