I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
