so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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