"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
