In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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