best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
