Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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