Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
