Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
