apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
