so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
