Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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