very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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