how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
