elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
