Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
