U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
