What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
