I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
