it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
