exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
