Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
