so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
