Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
