so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
