My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
