Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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