Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
FUCK WHALES
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