with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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