Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
