he wants to bone in the snuggie
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
