We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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