I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
