Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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