Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
