checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
