just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
