Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
