That's intense
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
