After last night, I could never be a politician.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
