i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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