Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
