I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
