Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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