then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
