you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
