i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
