Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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