I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
