I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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