i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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