I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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