So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
