we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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