Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize