she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
