She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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