you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
