I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
