He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
