bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
