I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
