He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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