This is not my ceiling
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
