I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
