Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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