I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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