I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
