So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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