awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
