i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize