Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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