She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
