I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
