Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
