one might say we're banned from that church
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
