Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
