I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
