I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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