I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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