woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
