I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
