Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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