Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize