Will you blow on my dice?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
