when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize