someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
