I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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