Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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