you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
