someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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