we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
