WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
