I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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