There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
