My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
