I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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