Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
