My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
