i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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