I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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