He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
