so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
