Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
